I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
