4 words: hood of his car
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
