All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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