Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
