Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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