NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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