his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
