According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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