he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
