I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
