Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
