She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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