Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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