Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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