Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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