super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
