He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize