man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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