Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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