eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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