You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
did i walk over a car last night?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
