This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
