Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
