You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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