I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
