Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
