never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
