.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
