Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
