Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And then my night got REAL pukey
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