Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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