I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
