Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
