Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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