Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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