Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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