We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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