is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
