...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
