found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
