if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
