you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
