After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That accounts for only three of the penises
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize