Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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