And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
