I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
