i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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