I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
