sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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