I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
