dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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