I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
