If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
