What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
