i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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