Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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