just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
