Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
