I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize