cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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