I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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