You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
