i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
false alarm, still single
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