Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
