How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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