My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
