Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
