sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
