Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
