I got her a Nickelback box set.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Will exercising make me less horny?
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