my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
