I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
