Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
