what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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