idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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