Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
