Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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