Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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