Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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