Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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