you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
