i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish I only lived at night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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