I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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