I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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