It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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