my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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