Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
