when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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