I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
