he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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