I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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